Positions and Interests in Mediation

October 17, 2017 by  
Filed under Mediation

August 22, 2017

Recently I read this quip, “to be sure to hit the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.” As divorce mediators, we often see parties to negotiation who take this approach. Another way to put it is “shoot first, ask questions later.”

What happens is that a party will enter a negotiation having certain interests that they want fulfilled. So, they stake out a position calculated to fulfill the interest. And, once they stake their claim to the position, that becomes their target. Often, the position is not well crafted to secure the party’s interest. Perhaps the position is overreaching and demands things that are beyond what is necessary to fulfill the interest, or maybe not even really related to the interest. But, they have “shot first,” without fully considering what is needed to fulfill their interest. And, they’ve claimed their position as the target.

It is part of the job of the mediator to apply a filter to the parties’ positions and discern what their real interests are. What are they trying to obtain? What are they trying to protect? And, what are they afraid of losing?

When the mediator can help the parties discern what is really important, rather than what happened to be encompassed in their original positions, they are well on their way to a negotiated settlement that is satisfactory to all.

 

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Anaheim Divorce Mediation

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Divorce, Social Media, and the Advantage of Mediation

October 17, 2017 by  
Filed under Mediation

August 30, 2017

There has been much discussion in the media recently advising the public to beware of what they post on their social media web pages. Most of this has centered upon social media and potential employers. But, to no one’s surprise social media has become fertile ground for adversaries in litigation to dig up and exploit facts to be used against each other. A court may order a party to litigation to turn over his or her social media passwords to the opposing party. Indeed, the two parties often end up paying lawyers to surf their opponents social media pages. This is no less true when the case is a divorce, custody modification, or support modification.

One of the advantages of divorce mediation is that the privacy of the parties is of the highest priority. There will be no one digging through either party’s social media history, trying to find anything that could possibly reflect badly on that person. Rather, the two spouses in a mediated divorce are being guided forward, creating their new future; not looking back, re-living their past.

 

 

 

Offices:

Irvine Divorce Mediation

Newport Beach Divorce Mediation

Seal Beach Divorce Mediation

Huntington Beach Divorce Mediation

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Anaheim Divorce Mediation

Golf and Mediation

October 17, 2017 by  
Filed under Mediation

I heard an old golf  joke yesterday: A ‘gimme’ can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers …neither of whom can putt very well.This hi-lites a key dynamic of divorce mediation. Mediation is most effective when each party focuses on their own risk/reward.  Many times in conflict, things come to what is called an impasse because one or both of the parties is more focused on what the other party stands to gain than their own interests. Often in divorce mediation, if you can get the parties to focus on their own best interests, the solution to the problem becomes simple – a “gimme.”

 

 

Offices:

Seal Beach Divorce Mediation

Laguna Niguel Divorce Mediation

Anaheim Divorce Mediation

Irvine Divorce Mediation

Newport Beach Divorce Mediation

Huntington Beach Divorce Mediation